Hey there! Planning a vacation with teens? Do you find traveling with teens… challenging?
I know how you feel.
I have two teenage children, currently ages 19 and 17. We feel lucky because they are (usually) cheerful travelers and they generally enjoy spending time with us and each other. I believe that's the result of 20+ years of family travel.
But we still have our fair share of fights and frustration. Parenting teens is not easy, and planning a family vacation with teens is not easy either. Unhelpful, unappreciative, unhappy… we've been on the receiving end of all those “uns”. But we've also had many special and memorable experiences that would NEVER have happened on a typical day at home.
The trip is worth it! Every time.
My teens stay busy with school, work, and extra-curricular activities. Family vacations are my chance to get them all to myself for a few days and get a handle on how they are really doing. And our window is closing. My oldest is in college and my youngest is in high school. Family vacations are getting harder to schedule every year.
We plan a lot of vacations with our teens, so we've learned a few things about what works. I hope these tips will help you plan a friction-free trip with teens too.
Get them involved
Teens will get more excited about a family vacation if they help plan it. I have one teen who is eager to get involved and one who is not.
My daughter was really helpful when we planned our trip to Japan. She was SO excited about it and she did a lot of preliminary work making lists of places she wanted to go. She sorted them into a rough itinerary, which was a great start to our trip planning.
On the other hand, my son has mixed feelings about how often we travel and he has no interest in helping to plan trips. I ask his opinions and then do my best to translate “whatever” into something he might enjoy. Usually, I get it right. But if not, that's on him.
Check their schedule
Be careful about scheduling a vacation without checking with your teens. The older my teens get, the more complicated their schedules have become. My son has a demanding class schedule and a job – plus extra-curricular activities. I have to schedule a trip just so I can see him!
Now that my daughter is in college, her school breaks and work schedule don't always align with ours. It's tough to schedule family vacations. But it works when we prioritize spending time together and get creative.
Let them stay connected
Negotiate expectations about the use of electronic devices and social media. It's reasonable to occasionally expect your teens to put their phones away during the trip. But I also tend to loosen time limits on my teens' screen time because there is a lot more time stuck in a car or plane.
Understand that your teens will want to stay in touch with their friends while they are gone. They may be sad or anxious about social activities they will miss.
These things are important to them, and it's an opportunity for you to be sensitive. If you can show sincere interest (emphasis on sincere), maybe start a discussion about their friends or social life and get to know these influential people.
Give them space
Theoretically, my family of four can fit into a standard hotel room. But as my teens both grew to adult size, this became less practical and less fun.
For any trip longer than 1-2 nights, finding a hotel or vacation rental with three beds and preferably separate bedrooms is a top priority. When we have space to relax and enjoy a little privacy, our vacation feels more like a vacation, and everyone gets along better.
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Give them options
Let your teens opt out of less-important vacation activities when it makes sense. They will enjoy having choices and control. You'll enjoy doing the activity without commentary from an unwilling participant.
This could mean letting responsible teens stay at the hotel alone for a few hours or just staying in the car or on a bench for a short time while you do your thing.
I've found that my teens behave responsibly because they LOVE having a little independence. The more I trust them, the more I reward them with options and freedom.
Give them downtime
Don't fill every minute of every day of your trip with activities. Schedule some downtime every day for your family to rest and do what they want to do. Let teens sleep in as often as you can.
Downtime is important for every family vacation. But for teens, it can give them time to catch up with friends, do homework, or do whatever they want to do. If you book lodging with built-in activities like swimming pools, sports courts, game rooms, etc, save time for your family to enjoy those amenities.
Related: The #1 Rule for Planning Your Vacation Itinerary
Pay attention to what they don't say
It's easy to fall into the trap of “I paid a lot for this trip and you don't appreciate it!”
Many teens (and adults) lack the maturity and perspective to say “thank you!” when their parents spend a lot of money to take them on a nice vacation. Instead of getting upset, look for non-verbal signs that your teen is appreciating the experience. They are usually there. These could include:
- Sharing photos from the trip on their social media
- Acting like they are having a good time
- Having a meaningful conversation with you
- Getting along with siblings
I'm not above prompting my teens to say “thank you” when I need to hear it. It's good social training for them (right?). But there are usually lots of non-verbal cues throughout the trip that warm my heart and make me glad we did it.
Regardless, I ALWAYS plan a trip that I will enjoy. Their happiness is their choice. My happiness is mine.
Model good behavior
Family vacations can be stressful. Don't lose your temper if your teen picks a fight or is insensitive. Do what you want THEM to do when their siblings or peers make them angry.
Stay calm. Work out the conflict in an appropriate way, and in the appropriate time and place. Be the adult you want your teen to become. Easier said than done, I know…
Related: Tips for Avoiding Fights on Family Vacations
Take a friend
Do you have just one teen at home? Consider taking your teen's best friend on your family vacation. Your teen will probably be a lot more excited about the trip and on their best behavior.
It's a big responsibility to take someone else's child on a family trip, so make sure you choose the right friend. Offer to pay for the friend or work out the financial details with the friend's parents before the trip. Avoid putting your young guest in the awkward position of paying for their own meals and activities if you are paying those expenses for your child.
Conclusion
Wondering what this looks like on a real trip? We have a family vacation coming up. Here's what it looks like…
- My son didn't want to miss both weekends of Spring Break at work. I scheduled our trip so he would only miss one Saturday.
- We decided to drive instead of fly. It saves money and gives us TWENTY hours of drive time. That's a lot of natural opportunity to have meaningful and important conversations.
- I booked a resort condo with two bedrooms and a full kitchen – plenty of space and privacy.
- We have not scheduled a lot of activities. We have some ideas, but rest and pool time are top priorities.
- I may do some activities without my teens. If they don't want to come, I don't want to pay for them.
- There will be space for my son to pack his guitar. We may shop at guitar stores and vinyl record exchanges and go to a music museum because that's what he's into.
Every conversation, every shared memory, and every laugh is a brick that builds your relationship with your teen. Yes, you can build that relationship at home too, but sometimes I only see my high school junior for 15-30 minutes a day! A family vacation is an opportunity to build and strengthen your relationship with your teen in a way that is difficult to do anywhere else.
I hope that our experience helps your family plan a great vacation!
Happy travels,
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